Thursday, April 23, 2009

He may be nice, but you don't NEED him

Okay, I need to get this off my chest and make sure there are actually sensible people in the world who agree with me.
All right, a few moments ago I was called by an old friend, who is becoming less and less of a friend as time goes by due to the fact she's become one of those people who willingly change herself for any possible form of popularity. Also no matter how horrible of a thing happens to someone else she'll find a way to make it effect her in some poor, pathetic, completely uncalled for way in which she tries to make it appear she is the victim, instead of the one that actually went through the hardship itself.
Anyway, one of her favorite topics is how and why she cannot get a boyfriend or a boy even interested in her due to how (her words by the way) fat, ugly, and unpopular she is. I honestly believe the reason no boys find an interest in her is due to the fact she's whiny, obnoxious, and racist, but that's beside the point. Any how, she called me today to tell me how her and Damien (Who I swear to Jesus she described as her 'stalker' less than a week ago) are in what us teenagers define as a relationship. Leaving me to be the only within one of my multiple groups of friends (the two I reference now are this girl and my friend Catie who have both known me since my years as a wired nine-year-old in Tina Fey glasses) who seems to be without a boyfriend. This came up within the first two minutes of the conversation.
"Yeah," my friend told me after she broke the news to me about her and Damien going out. "Me and Catie were talking and we were just like, yeah now all we need to do is get Alexx a boyfriend and we'll be set."
" thanks." I replied.
"Why not?" she asked.
"Oh nothing, I'm just not one of those people who needs a guy to validate her exsistence."
You can't IMAGINE how much I wanted her to understand the message behind what I just said. The message being 'You're desperate. Don't do this. You're reaching the point where you would go out with Bin Laden if he asked you to.' And I truly thought she got the message due to the fact she was silent for a good thirty seconds on the other end of the line. Then she said it. She had to put this indescribably idiotic question into the world.
"Oh...are you sure?"
Am I sure? What was that supposed to mean? It could have been just me, but didn't that sound like she thought there had to be something wrong with me? For not wanting a boyfriend???
This got me thinking and I had an incredible urge to voice this opinion to the Internet community. Why are women so obsessed? Look, guys almost never base the type of person they are off the girl they date.
Why the hell should we???
Look, I love guys I really do. Some of the nicest, sincerest, funniest people I know are guys. To name a few, when my friend Daniel compliements me, I feel like I've done something fantastic. When Craig hugs me, I know that there can't be a cooler person in the world. And there are some things my friend Michael says that make me cry from laughing so hard.
But these same people during at least some point in my relationship with them have (and this is randomly ordered so you don't think less of them) openly checked out girls in front of me, called me a stripper, made me feel worthless without batting an eyelash, or nearly got taken in by a cop that was passing by. I love them and my other guy friends to death. But why would you let someone so capable of hurting you define anything that you do? Yes I know they aren't perfect and I love them regardless of their flaws, but isn't it YOUR life? Guys are great, but when I get a compliement from a director, make an audition I've scrutanized over for months, or even when I'm just sitting in Coffee Emporium laughing and screwing off with a bunch of people I love, I have never in my life stopped even for a second and thought 'Hey you know what would make this, like 115% better??? If I had a boyfriend!' NO! I'm too preoccupied with being happy. And if you do that, you need to realize what a fantastic and incredible person you are on your own. Boys don't do that for you. In fact I've heard way too many stories from girl cousins and friends about how a boy told them they loved them, made out with them, and then decided the girl across the room was prettier.
No, not all men are that shallow. I actually hope to find my soulmate one day and I know couples who have found theirs and the proves that not all men are skin deep and horny. Also, no I don't believe teenagers shouldn't date. They should, but only with people they feel comfortable about dating. If they were expected to date just to have someone on their arm for social events, hell I would've thrown myself at the guy in the wizard costume. And it's not like I'm a reclusive, anti-social, ugly girl desperately attempting to reap her revenge on men through the internet or something. I have been asked by people this year. Nice, decent, loving people who I just didn't feel were right for me. So regardless of how I in fact would like a boyfriend, I said no. Because when you think about it, I'm a fourteen year old at a prestigious art school who has a deep passion for her art and wants to make a successful career out of it. In other words, hello! I have my LIFE to think about. And while yes a boyfriend would be nice, one of those is actually one of the last things I need.
Thank you.


  1. Haha, honestly, I have disagree. I don't think men are onions.
    They don't think (much). lol

  2. I love your blog and can definatly relate to this. All my friends are forever trying to set me up and while I probably should try a bf out some day for now it's not what I'm looking for. Besides to be perfectly honest the guys they're all with are the total opposite to what their ideal guys are like and i think they're just with them (well 1 friend especially) for the attention and because noone else will have her right now. I'm a bitch i know but it's the truth so meh what can you do.

  3. I totally agree. Yes I may have boyfriend but he defiantly does not control anything I do. And he knows better than to try. And my friends, well heck, they don't think they need boyfriends either. Sure it's nice, but we don't need them.
    'Cept with mine, I love him too much to not need him X3 but yes, I agree whole heartedly.

  4. Some people feel the need to be in a relationship all the time. I guess it's good for companionship, or validating themselves. Its good to be in one but people shouldn't swear if they're single. Heck, I've been single for a year and half now and I love it :D

  5. Apologies in advance for what will be a looong comment, because this post has perfectly articulated something I have had many heartfelt rants about myself! I am in complete and utter agreement with you! I mean, when I was 14 - heck, even when I was 16! - I was cycling around and climbing trees in the park with my darlingest friends [many of whom are guys], making movies and having cake-eating competitions whilst camping out in the garden. I was having so much fun just enjoying being a kid before the neuroses and uncertainties of dating and seeing guys romantically set in - believe me, I'm glad I avoided it as long as I could! Something that really encouraged me a couple of months ago was reading an interview with Candace Bushnell, who created Sex and the City. You'd have thought she would be all for sexual experience asap, but she actually said that she thought it was damaging for teenage girls when it was all about boys. As she pointed out, women in their twenties and thirties are still struggling with casual dating and sex, so how can 13-year-old girls even being to deal with it? Sure, I dream of true love - but until someone worthy appears, I just don't feel the need to attach myself to a boy to 'complete' me. I think it's definitely worth working out who you are yourself first. I think I've written about this a lot, probably! Like here, I think: Phew! Sorry for the mammoth comment. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling this way. :) xxx
    P.S. Am also with you on the 'skip' sign for gym class - oh, bad memories... ! ^^ I get most of my pictures from, it's like a treasure trove of gorgeousness!!
    All the best my lovely.