Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Questions and Vocal Music

Wow I am ecstatic to be home and free of obligations (finally!) I had one of those days that you couldn't say made any lasting damaging impact on your life, but you couldn't say made any lasting spirit lifting impact either. For instance I got to talk to Gabe. FINALLY! He caught me outside my first bell this morning with Rannie and Michael. He didn't come outside during lunch though, which sort of made me sad, but no big.
Also I heard back from my audition for the Vocal Music major at my school. And I made it! Starting next year I will officially be a member of SCPA's Women's Ensemble. And I drug my friend Miranda down so I could be with her for emotional support when she got the news about her audition. I was anxious for her really. Last year she didn't do very well at her audition and didn't make Vocal. But that's what made it even greater when our artistic director's secretary went "Oh, Miranda Wilhoite. Well I sent a letter to your mother. Hopefully you should get it in a few days...and congratulations you made it into Vocal." She was so happy! And I was just as happy for her. We jumped up and hugged each other and bounced around Dr. Rudnick's office for a full five minutes, making his secretary who'd brought us the good news giggle. "You two are so fun to watch!" she giggled right as we were on our way to go outside and celebrate. "You're the same height, you're both in black pants, you have the exact same type of Converse on..."
"We're just connected like that," I joked. "We've got a mental thing goin' on."
The only problem was our friend Marina who was walking down the hallway at the exact time we left the office with this other girl. We ran over to tell her the good news. "We just made Women's Ensemble!" I said through my excitement. That's when the girl she was with (Who's name I will not mention because I'm a nicer person than her.) did that laugh. You know the one. Adults do it when they run into their old ex or kids do it when mom says Saturday's going to be spent at Aunt Pearl's. It's that one laugh that implies that they really think that the situation sucks, but they can't openly admit that for fear of insult.
"Well, I can't SAY that's the bad choir," the girl started saying. "Though there are a bunch of people that just don't care about their major in there, and people who don't cooperate, and the there stupid people who just don't belong in this school." I'd also like to mention that her eyes got evil at this moment like she was thinking about someone in particular. Oooooo scandalous. "But then there's you guys. But yeah, Chorale is the place to be. Hopefully next year you'll be in Chorale. With me." She said this entire speech in one of those obnoxious sarcastic tones that's meant to imply fake sympathy while the person is really reveling in their superiority. And not only was that a hurtful thing to say to two people that were so excited, but it sort of killed my buzz about it. Oh well. I won't allow myself to dwell on it. After all, that girl's going to be a senior next year. After that I will no longer have to deal with her ;)
The rest of the day went all right except for the fact Daniel was in a bad mood today and whenever he's in a bad mood I have to be brought down with him. I hate it when he does that. I always end up feeling stupid and hurt just because someone made him feel inferior that day. You know it hurts to be his friend most of the time, but out of the two of us in the relationship, I think Daniel deserves more pity. Because not a lot of popular kids seem like they like him and I think that's because he has to use his sarcasm and insults as a shield. Then when someone is mean to him he typically takes it out on me because I'm the only one who's nice to him and he needs to feel superior to something. It's sad really. His inferiority complex is so huge he has to make fun of me and hurt me as bad as he does because he needs to feel as if something's beneath him.
I cope though. For instance...well for one I'm proclaiming his problems to the Blogger community :), but on a more serious note, I write him letters swearing at him and everything and asking him questions I've been burning to know and then I stick it in the envelope with balloons on it in my planner. It's actually a really effective tool for dealing with anger. You should try it if you ever want to wring someones neck. My friend Christina has read both of them and she wants me to give him the one I wrote today which involves a lot of swearing and hurtful things, all of which I know to be true by the way. I wouldn't give him that one unless he really hurt me, but I have another, MUCH less hurtful one that I'm tempted to give him...I don't know. What do you think?

1 comment:

  1. Well, I honestly don't think you should. For one, notes and letters can be personal only on a certain level. If you give him a letter with all this stuff in it, it will not only be hurtful, but it'll seem like you didn't want to take the time to talk to him about it yourself. Which will hurt him even more. I mean, you said so yourself, you're the only person who's nice to him. If he uses insults and sarcasm as a shield, especially on you, then don't you think that maybe he hurts you more because he's more worried about losing you?