Sunday, May 17, 2009

Class Day, FulFillment, and Gangster hats :) (It's long, but please read!)

I had an incredibly fantastic utterly incredible and all around fulfilling day. And as badly as I want to sleep, I have to tell you about it. This is probably going to be long, but if you are a good and trusty follower, you will read and comment! :)
Every year SCPA does something called Class Day. Class Day is when the seniors all meet in the black box on the first floor, walk around the first floor, then climb to the fifth. They then proceed to walk all around every floor of the school until they reach the second, where they file into the auditorium and all the underclassmen perform for them. You can sign up to either perform or be a door holder. I did both. Door holders do the exact jobs you'd expect them too. They hold doors for the seniors as the walk around. It's a sort of ceremonial thing. All of my friends were holding doors with me. Some of which I felt worse for than others. My friend Jazmyn for instance, knew so many seniors and was holding her tears back as hard as she could. She was holding a door next to me and she couldn't help, but sing For Good from Wicked over and over. No one with that pretty of a face and that pretty of a voice should be that sad! So I started singing it with her. The second verse going into the chorus. We even came together at the end and held hands. "That looked so rehearsed!" my friend Izzy said. I hope it made her feel better.
Door holding is a very interesting custom though. Not only did I have permission to skip class, but I got to see some of my very close friends who are seniors walk by. Like Marina, who I've eaten lunch with since the very beginning days of my start at SCPA. And Lucas...He made me feel the worst. Lucas is one of the coolest people in the entire universe. And when he walked by the second door I was holding, he stopped mid walk after I shot a huge smile at him, and said "Okay, hug me now, because this maybe the last time I see you." It hit me then. Lucas was leaving. Indiana University isn't that far away, but Lucas was leaving. We didn't get to see each other that much, but Lucas was still there if I needed him. He was the one I asked for advice when Esme died. He was the one that gave me a compliment about my Zap performance that actually involved a real adjective. A REAL ADJECTIVE! He was always there to help me if I needed it. He was the first person at SCPA that I actually knew. This was all stuff to think about, but I didn't have time. I had a performance to get to.
Once my friends gave me the heads up I shot down to Mr. Stuckey's room to change into what had become infamously known throughout my circle of friends as my skank dress, then shot as fast as I could through the halls of SCPA, bounding towards the back where I believed my choir was...tripping and falling flat on my face in the process. Yeah, I have quite an obnoxious scrape on my knee because of that. And it was in front of tons of people. I go through a lot for my art X) Anyway, I did eventually find my people and we headed backstage, just in time for us to all panic. We were the first act on. We were also the only freshmen who'd been brave enough to come together and put on this act. No One by Alicia Keys had to be sung. Well. This was crunch time. And all of us were panicking.
"Where's Rachel? Rachel has anyone seen Rachel?!"
"Do you have a phone? Someone text Rachel!"
"Has anyone seen Jamila???"
"Who's playing piano if we don't have Rachel?"
"Daniel just walked into the balcony! I just saw him!"
"Who's taking Daniel's solo?"
"Paige you can play right?"
"Rachel! Oh my God!"
"Oh my God guys, oh my God!"
"Adrienne, hug me."
It was actually kind of sweet how we were all worried for each other. We all just wanted to do well. And even though Daniel didn't make it back there until moments before we performed, we weren't judging. We were just trying to reassure ourselves that we would be as incredible as we sounded in Mr. Stuckey's room. We were just trying to reassure ourselves that we were freshmen, but we were still part of this school.
"We should pray," someone said. Mumurs of agreement flowed through our makeshift crowd. And this may just be me, but I personally thought it was beautiful how we all made a little circle and the leader of the prayer said "God, we just ask you that we go out there and be the best we can be and put on our best show for the seniors." She said a few more things before we murmured "amen" and split apart again. But the tension and nervousness had only hung in the air a few more minutes before someone suggested "Let's pray one more time." So we all got in a circle and bowed our heads, and we more or less repeated the prayer we'd just said. That's when Paige made it clear she had to say something. And it went something like this.
"God, we have worked so hard for this and so long and all the sophomores have run into so many problems and all they've done is fight. We've worked so hard and gotten so close over these past few weeks and we just wanna go out there and show them that freshmen can do this and that even though we didn't have enough people we can still do this and rock it." Paige's prayer was more like a mini backstage pep rally. It wasn't something you said Amen after. It was something that once it ended you high fived her and screamed "RAH RAH RAH! We've got spirit YES WE DO! We've got spirit HOW BOUT YOU!?" It was everything that really needed to be said. And we all nodded in pumped agreement and said "Amen" with even more feeling than the first time. Maybe it was better that Daniel burst in just after that. He's an atheist, but he doesn't seem to day anything against it when it gave other people least not in front of their faces. I'm kind of curious to see what he would have done. Eh, either was he let me wear his hat :)
We. were. AWESOME! We really were. My solo was drowned out, but only because of the tears. We kicked ass on an intergalactic level. You have to watch the video to understand. The video which I am currently attempting to upload with no avail. But when I do, please comment and tell me what you think of our performance. We were so pumped. Afterwards, everyone went up to the balcony. I was sitting with Gaby when the sophomores class was introduced. "Oh the sophomores are coming on?"
"Yup," I told her.
"Oh... there was a beat of silence before she smiled big and said, "I HOPE THEY FAIL!" We both cracked up the second she said that, because we knew that even against our arch enemy class, Gaby is incapable of being that evil. The sophomores did well though, and in all fairness, they were more showy than ours was...But we had better vocals :)

Class Day eventually ended around sixth bell. I caught up with Rillon and I was in NO mood to go to my study hall...or history class...or English class for that matter. That's when we noticed the good sized amount of amps, plugs, and band equipment which needed to be moved back to Mr. Stuckey's room. So with the help of him and John, I became an honorary techie for the day. Or bell technically. I moved a keyboard, a drum set, and at least two amps (or one amp twice X) to Mr. Stuckey's room.

But it was what happened during the one move that didn't go to Stuckey's room. The second Rillon and I had moved the keyboard back into the piano room, I saw Lucas and Diamond walk by. I thought he'd left. "Lucas!" I yelled, shooting outside. Both him and Diamond turned around in response to me. "My mom wants a picture with us." I said. Lie. I was the one that wanted a picture with him. She just thought it was a nice idea.
Lucas agreed and Diamond asked if we needed him. "Diamond, we actually can use you to take a photograph." He'd called it a photograph. I couldn't remember the last time I'd heard it called a photograph. Diamond worked the camera for us, looking like he was holding back crying. He nodded with a strong face when the picture was taken, a face that was so obviously being plastered on because he was school president. He handed the camera back to me when Lucas turned to me and out of nowhere gave me the nicest compliment I'd ever gotten in my life. This was a compliment so kind and sincere that even though I knew full well I didn't deserve it, I shot to my notebook the second I could, grasping to his words trying to preserve everything he'd said. This was what I was left with.

"Someday that will be you. Everyone in that auditorium will be cheering for you," Lucas had said. "When you first came here I thought you would need my assistance. But now I see that you are perfectly capable of doing it on your own. You have I bright and prosperous future here." He smiled at me. "And you know I mean it."

I couldn't talk. There was no way I deserved those perfectly beautiful words. No one had ever said anything that kind to me before. Ever. I now see that what I should have done was shouted "Lucas, you are the coolest person I ever met! I wish I had every class with you! I wish I got to talk to you all the time! You don't care what anyone thinks, you're just yourself. And in just being yourself that's what makes you SO INCREDIBLY COOL!" There are so many things I should have said, or been able to say. But I was shell shocked by the kindness. All I could do was say, "Thank you Lucas. Thank you so much." I gave him a hug seconds afterwards. No one can be that nice to me and expect to leave me without a hug. Diamond smiled.
"One good best friend's all you need," he said when I let go of Lucas. Lucas laughed in return.

"Always worked for us," Lucas said to him before responding to me. "You're welcome, and I will see you over the summer." I had no clue how he was arranging that, but he was Lucas Wozniak. Woz. I was well aware only mere fools doubt him. Then the two of them walked away together, as they should have. Both of them, leaving my life. For now at least. I hoped not forever.

The high I was on during the compliment was no where near gone. On the way back down to Stuckey's room is where it hit hardest. You know that type of happiness you get at those rare beautiful moments in life when you're so uncontrollably, deliriously, stupid happy that you just want to bottle it up and keep it forever? I was that. Times two. There was still feeling in my shoulders where Lucas had hugged me. I couldn't control my smile apparatus. In the empty hallway between the black box and the band hallway, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I looked behind me, took a running start, and burst up into one of those big cheesy High School Musical jumps, hands in the air, feet bent under me, and all. Lucas Wozniak thought I had potential. I, Alexxandra Rouse, was smiled upon by Lucas Wozniak. I, Alexxandra Rouse, had received praise from Lucas Wozniak. I, Alexxandra Marie Cecilia Rouse was told that I have a bright and prosperous future ahead of me, by LUCAS WOZNIAK!!! My life was officially complete. After all, how could I ever ask for anything more??? :)

I spent the rest of the day in the band room with John and Rillon making up improvs about how apparently John and I had deep and passionate relationship and that if I were to run into the arms of Rillon, I would just get hurt again...Keep in mind, Rillon and I are dating and last time I talked to John, he thought my name was Aubrie. Yeah, if these guys ever wanted to set down the saxophone, I'm almost a thousand percent sure the drama department would happily welcome them :) Then there was Paige who let me know I "Rocked you solo! Me and Jamila were SO worried about people singing loud, and then you got to your solo and we were like 'WHOA!'" I think I'll just let her keep thinking that :)

I didn't even have to leave right away. I called my aunt and told her I was going to Coffee Emporium and went to look at apartments. (Don't worry it wasn't an actually lie. We walked past Coffee Emporium :)There was one on Central Parkway, that was beautiful. All shiny and warmly colored, and well kept. Rannie seriously called the office about getting an application. I was so proud of her. She sounded so grown up with her extensive vocabulary and calm tone of voice. It turned out there were no vacancies. We were sad, but there was another place at 700 Walnut that looked pretty from the outside...turns out it was a law building XD Worth it though. On the way back we all talked about what it would be like if we could actually do this. "We could each have double lives!" Robyn said. Then she let out an incredible, awesome, patented Robyn gasp. "We could write a book!"
"Called double life!"
"And the book could be turned into a play and the play could be made into a movie and the movie would be so successful that it could then spin off into a TV show," I said with a huge smile on my face."
"It could work!" Rannie said. "Like we meet there on the weekends. All of us can be like 'Hey can I go to Robyn's? Hey can I go to Alexx's?"
"Hey can I go to Rannie's?" I finished. "And it wouldn't be a lie because it would technically be our place!" We walked all the way back to where the bus stop awaited Rannie and Robyn and my aunt sat with a cigarette in hand, awaiting me. I smiled at the thought of my great day and how I was already living a double life. And thought about how if it were up to me, I'd never leave my art school one. :)

Oh, and on a less sentimental note, let's review. Today I performed in a choir, danced in it (kind of), practiced the few piano songs I learned in the band room while hanging out with jazz geeks, moved all the needed equipment that needed to be moved, and wrote down Lucas's compliment. Think about the SCPA majors. Vocal, Dance, Instrumental, Tech, and Creative Writing. If I draw a picture today, I have officially contributed to every major beside my own :)


  1. that's such a sweet picture!

  2. my bestfriend and i parted because she had to move to another state but we still stay in contact and whenever either of us have the cash to travel, we would meet up. i know how much you're gonna miss lucas. and from what i have read in your previous post, i do think that you really do deserved that compliment from him.

    may i please know why is it called your 'skank dress'? lol!

    i am a deist yet i am literally touched with paige's prayer because what she had said is amazingly true.

    i would love to watch the video so good luck on uploading it, alexy!

    p/s; it is indeed a very long post but hey, i enjoyed reading it! hope the scar will fade soon. :)

  3. lol! long but! very interesting! and i'm not trying to be nice, it really is. honest! oh, i forgot to mention that i think he's pretty cute. lol!

  4. my whole family was so mad when they first found out that i was a vegetarian. esp my mom, so you could imagine how she reacted when i told her that i'm now a vegan. lol! but since i am much healthier now, slowly my mom began to accept it. though i still get the "hey, i cooked some chicken, want some?" from my mom. haha. i think, the only way to convince your dad is to be firm on your decision to embrace vegetarianism and gradually veganism. have a casual conversation with your dad, as well as with everyone in your family about the benefits of vegetarian/vegan diet. it took me some time, but it did work! hope it'll work for you too.

    while there are some people who turned vegan overnight, i do think that it is perfectly OKAY to start with a vegetarian diet before completely cutting out all animal/dairy products. to me, it's a first step. there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. good luck! and as for vegetarian starter kit, i found it very helpful in the early stage of my vegetarian journey so i might as well share it with everyone, right.

    p/s; then it's our secret! hush hush! :)