Thursday, May 28, 2009
Still Waiting for the Feeling
Wow. It's over. After the 180 days of living for monolouges, assignments, and friendship; it's over. My freshman year at what I viewed as the big and scary art school...it's done.
But the strange thing is I can't feel it. When you're a kid you know. The end of school is the miniature equivalent to Christmas. The ultamite yearly kick in the face of freedom. But this year there's nothing. I can't feel a thing. There isn't freedom, or happiness, or even sadness at the people I'm leaving. I guess that's because it hasn't fully hit me that I am not in school. The city, the friends, the opportunities, are GONE for three months. And I my brain just can't metabolize that thought or wrap my head around that idea. It's so...odd really. Every year, even in 8th grade when I was popular (I like to think X) ) and had all those beautiful, kind, funny Catholic school people as friends, I still had that little bit of buzz when school got out. That "Yay, I'm FREE!" feeling. It hasn't come. And I doubt it will. Because I loved the experiences of my freshmen year too much.
It was a nice way to leave though. None of my periods were used in the way they were supposed to be. Biology was an enormous picture taking fest, Spanish was fory-five minutes discussing tattos with Sam, Drama was audition reflections...and math was an incredible random Juno moment with my crazy metalhead friend Chris. I act a lot like Juno and people say I look like her too (minus the whole teenage preganancy part) and in the middle of math Chris called me over and took his gutair and both of us sang "Anyone Else But You" right in the middle of our math class! I sang the girl part and he sang the guy part. We are so awesomely cool :)
Next came the almost food fight in the middle of 5th bell lunch, which was one of the most pathetic things I'd ever had to witness. So pathetic that I shall not dignify it's failure with comment. Sixth bell all I did was talk to Cassie and Kali (Because Daniel was a FAIL and went to 6th bell lunch) But seventh bell was the greatest.
Now to understand the incredible utter greatness that IS this act by David Goist, you must realize the deep and incredible hate in which most of the 7th bell Modern History class has for our teacher Ms. Anderadis. Meaning all year long, they have stabbed at her whenever given the chance...like with David Goist and his stripper skills. You see, Mr. Goist whenever he couldn't think of an answer to a question, no matter what group he was in or what the topic was, he would volunteer to become a male stripper to raise money for whatever role playing cause we were working towards. And with some persuasion from Faith Deihl, out of nowhere in the middle of our History class, DAVID DID A STRIPTEASE! Okay, he's this really thin, lanky orchestra kid. And he shook his hips like a girl and took off his belt and made it snap and shook his butt. He gave me and Emily's desk a near lap dance until we gave him a dollar. It was one of, no THEE funniest thing I have ever witnessed n my history class. Deidra recorded it and told us she'd put it on Facebook, and if she does I will share it's glory with you.
English wasn't very eventful though, all we did was screw around and play cards (Christina got violent on Egyptian rat screw) and the funny thing is, I think I became friends with Bram in my last class on the last day. Bram Sheckles is this kind and funny Drama major who's quite talented and for the entire year has looked like he'd be a great and entertaining person to hang out with. Only problem is I haven't had a chance to talk to him all year. Yet in the last fifteen to twenty minutes of my final freshmen English class, we fought over Go Fish in baby voices. I know. Weirdness on an astronomical level. But I promise if you'd been there you would've thought it was funny.
The end of the day was the most fun though. Rannie and I planned on getting a bunch of people together to go to Coffee Emporium one last time. But we didn't leave until a good fifteen to twenty minutes later than we wanted to because everyone was hugging like crazy outside. Finally when we decided to leave, I gave Adam a huge hug. "Do you have a Facebook?" I asked. t
"I don't have Internet," he informed me.
"Oh." There was a moment of silence before I asked. "You're not gonna forget me right?"
"I won't forget you. For the whole...two months I've known you." I pulled away and smiled.
"Backstage at Zap," I said. "You're a loser, but I love you." He smiled at that. I'll miss him.
We walked to Coffee Emporium after that. All of us. We all got food and talked and smiled together one last time before we all moved up a grade level. We took a bunch of pictures (which you can see on my facebook which I plan to upload soon)
"Anybody wanna come to Bogart's tonight???" Craig pleaded with the lot of us. "The Dead Fish are playing. It's some cover band."
"I can ask my mom," I offered.
"Good, cuz I'm not going if you're not." Of course I couldn't. But I hugged Craig and everyone else until I thought I'd break them. Gaby was about to cry.
"No Gaby!" I told her. "You're not allowed to cry, cuz then I'll cry!"
There's nothing much I can say after that other than my mother came by and picked me up and that was that. Freshmen year was over. What so many people regard as the hardest scariest years of their life...was over. Completely over.
And now I sit here typing to you waiting for the realization of that to fully and truly hit me. Waiting for the feeling to smack me in the face like I know it should...Just waiting. And wondering if it's wrong to hope it never comes.