Friday, June 12, 2009

Do Not Read If You're Already Mad, Or If You're Happy And Want To Stay That Way

I hate guys right now. I hate guys a lot.
Tell more specifically one guy who just told me he wanted guy who is not only repulsive in every sense of the word, but also HAS A GIRLFRIEND.
Honesty Box is an evil, evil thing.
Okay let me explain.
A few days ago I changed my Honesty Box question to "What's something you've always wanted to say to me?" and I got a reply the next day that said "Kiss Me" Now guys screw around all the time, so I figured it could just be my stupid guy friends trying to screw with me. But then again I figured I should make sure. So I wrote "I might if you tell me who you are" The next thing I got back was completely sweet.
"You won't. I know you won't. And plus, I'm too afraid. I've always wanted to hold you close to me and tell you how I feel. But I'm too much of a pussy to do it."
Meaning, not kidding. Whoever was on the other side was completely serious. So I started talking to them. While trying not to send them the one message I was thinking. "Hi Rillon."
You see, my friend Rillon has liked me since the beginning of freshmen year, and both friends I told about the comments immediately thought of him. Which would have been no big deal. I love Rillion, I really do, but it wouldn't work. I could just take the comments as something sweet and tell him thank you, but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. So I opened a chat window with him and casually brought it up.
I didn't believe him when he denied it at first. I thought he was just trying to hold on to any illusion there was that involved me not knowing how he felt about me. But then my friend Adrienne opened a chat window with me "RILLON SAID HE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU!" It seemed like she screamed through Facebook. That killed doubt in my mind that it was him. The next day, armed with this knowledge, I opened a casual, friendly conversation with him, right after I wrote in his honesty box "You should tell her." Luckily, that gave me the effect I needed and he told me he was going to kill Adrienne.
"Why did she make you admit to something?" I asked because I had so obviously no idea what Adrienne did :P
"Uhhh..." So give or take thirty-five minutes of prying later, he said it when I asked what Adrienne got out of him. "all the odd/awkward/embarrassing reasons why i like you. I would elaborate, but I tend to get kind of creepy" Awww, Rillon.
"I'm sure it wouldn't be, but okay If you don't feel like it..."
"i just don't wanna turn this into a twilight scene." That one made me smile. I love the guy.
"Hahahahaha. Okay, understood there X) Would it sound like a twilight scene?"
"not as cheesy"
"That's a relief X) But all right. If you don't feel like telling me. Just one question." One stupid question was all I needed the answer to.
"Are you SURE you weren't the one that left those really sweet things in my honesty box?" He had to tell me the truth now. After all if he wrote in my box, it would be kind of a stupid move to open up about having odd/awkward/embarrassing reasons for liking me and then deny writing something to me that I told him was sweet.
"i wish i were" Awwww! I love you Rillon! "but no, i wasn't"
This sounds horrible, but right after we finished talking and that sentence fully hit me I got all bubbly with excitement. Who could it be? Wow, someone liked me and finally got the courage to tell me! I clicked on Honesty Box and ran down the list of all the people with them that I thought may word sentences like the person who had written to me did. I skipped over a few guys I didn't know and then found two very possible of them being Craig who you have to adore the second you meet him.
Awwwwww! I thought. I think Craig likes me! That's so adorable! And so awesome! Oh my God I hope it's him!!! After all, the only other person online who was a credible suspect seemed to be Kali and Kali was between two girls and a hell of a lot of drama at the moment anyway. No way it was him. It had to be Craig. Or maybe it wouldn't be and it would randomly be someone I didn't know. Gosh I hoped not.
Then it popped up. Honesty Box Boy had struck again. I clicked on it as fast as I could hoping whoever he was would finally admit his identity.
It was Chris. My stupid, mental, unstable friend Chris.
There were multiple reasons that I was pissed off it was Chris. One was the fact that even though Chris is my friend I don't want to be alone with him ever if I can help it. Another was that he's one of the most sexual people I've ever met and is extremely perverted and full of himself. And another driving force to my anger was that he has a girlfriend and I'm disgusted by people who have girlfriends and continue to hit on other girls. Not to mention knowing Chris, all those sweet things he said were more likely than not something he came up with to see if he could get me to make out with him. Chris can do that. He knows how to get certain girls around his fingers. And I can't believe I fell for his stupidity...
Or maybe I don't understand why I'm so mad. Is it possible that in the midst of rebelling against my nameless friend's view that you need a boy to be worth something...ANY boy, that I tried to stifle the fact that I truly would like to have someone who liked me that way? Is it even plausible that when I read those things in Honesty Box I thought the person writing them actually valued me as a person? And maybe when I felt that way I thought I'd finally found someone I could return the feelings for?
No. No it can't be. And I'm signing off now before I admit to something I don't feel like admitting to...


  1. alexy! how can you do this to me?! i was all "awh~", "rillon is just too sweet to be true.." and "you should totally be with rillon NOW!" i was really into the sweet-loving-mood until chris came into the picture! lol! my fault for totally ignoring the post title! anyhow, rillon is such a nice guy! if you don't mind me asking, why do you think that it might not work out between you two? i mean, seriously, he has this innocent-pure-love rare quality, ya know. it's not something you can find in most guys. he's real sweet!

    secondary blog. i was really bored and set this up. it's my eye candy.

  2. you know... the right guy always pops up when you least expect it.

    and annoyingly enough, it's usually right when you're ok being alone an independent!