Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Should I Even Post This? Yes. No. Yess. NO! YES!!

I want to remember this. I really want to tell everyone about this. But he found it last time. Will he think I'm a creeper for being so observant? Will he care? Should I care if he cares? Do I care if he cares? Why am I saying care so much? Is his opinion really that important to me?
Pretty much.
Okay, this is going to be another long post probably. You don't have to read it, you really don't, and I don't care if you do. Honestly. If you're one of my followers you probably have kids, or clothing, or an uber long blog of your own to look after. A post this long is the last thing you need. I understand. And if you DO read this and wonder how someone could be so weird/stupid/awkward to notice all this stupid stuff, screw you. Don't pretend you weren't warned:)
All right I'll just start now. Lucas invited me to his graduation party which was this Saturday at his house in Lawerenceburg. I was going there straight from rehearsal and I sat on the edge of my seat the whole way. What if I said something stupid? What if I appeared stupid? What if the other people there thought I was the dullest crayon in the box and shrugged me off as the random kid Lucas invited? I don't see why they wouldn't, after all I did just use a crayon metaphor.
While I was in the car wondering about all the possible things I could say wrong and what I should do to keep myself from saying them, my mom turned on to a long, winding gravel road off the road we were on, and eventually pulling up in front of an oddly shaped, geodesic dome of a house. After knocking twice we wandered in and two people who came out of what I later found out was where Lucas kept his sword collection (and the stolen cast portrait board of Lost In Yonkers...but you didn't hear that from me.:) directed me where exactly I was supposed to go.
I want his house. Before I left I went on to his mother about how much I loved their house. I meant it though. When you walk in, you can turn to the left where there's this side staircase that leads up to almost a balcony over the main living room and Lucas's room and an empty room they just finished with an Anne Frank room built into the closet. No, seriously, if you move this outline that covers the radiator and there's a trapdoor in the ceiling that leads to a room behind one of the vents. It was pretty sweet if I do say so myself. I'm going to his house if the Nazis decided to invade.
Anyway, I walked into their main living room that was white and clean with a bunch of cards and other odds and ends on the table and a harp in the corner. And a CD collection like no other ranging from Irish and classical composers to Bob Dylan.
Lucas noticed me automatically. Or someone told him I was there. Either way, he came over and gave me a hug, welcoming me into his house, before he came over and introduced me to his upperclassmen friends. That made me blush.
"This is Alexx Rouse my self proclaimed protegee and a rising star in the drama department, one of the students SCPA leaves it's drama legacy to. Which I'm sure you all already know from her leading role in Zap which I'm sure you all saw."
I smiled at that because for one thing, I'm proud of the part and for another, I'm sure that not a lot of kids in that room probably felt like wasting a Saturday to come watch a bunch of seventh graders through freshmen pretend we were them. Especially with the looks on their faces. I think they'd heard one of Lucas's speeches before and didn't find them as fun to listen to as I usually did. He breaks into the most interesting ones at the most random points in time, particularly the one before Christmas when he explained to me the difference between a burn and a roast using the Great Awakening as a metaphor. Hehehe, that was funny.
But beside the point, we sat down and I struck up a conversation with his friend Anna who was going to be a sophomore in college in Maryland this year. Luckily I spent my thirteenth birthday in Baltimore so we chatted politely about how awesome Hamdon is and I recommended the Hon Cafe and asked her about DC. By the time Lucas came back, I took notice of something.
I was late to the party (of course) and there were no freshmen there. Hell, there weren't even any kids really. Someone had brought their baby and then the next youngest kid seemed to be me. I asked him about it. "Yes I would've invited Daniel or Mitch or a few more of my little friends. But they don't have quite the same relationship as we do. Not quite." That made me smile inside. Well not smile so much as grin inside like my loopy retriever does when we feed him. And if that wasn't enough, he said I looked charming. Yep, not cute, not good. Charming. I love the guy. Even when we were talking and he gave me a terrifying description of my sophomore Drama teacher. Apparently he has deep hatred for the incompetent and tortures them for his own sick amusement. Ah, the outlook I now have on sophmore year.
Everybody talked and I spent a while attempting to seem interesting to people older than me, which of course wasn't worth it since everyone there was so incredible. That's when we were called for dinner and everyone at the party gathered into their oddly shaped kitchen for food. Though we weren't allowing ourselves to eat until Lucas gave a speech. It didn't take much to persuade him and before we knew it he was standing at the main point in the kitchen ready to talk. I don't know if it's perfectly quoted, but this is as much as I can remember him saying right after he started to say something about this speech being the short version.
"There are so many people here from my Waldorf classmates who've known me since I was four and others like my friend Tessa who I have just met this year, but has become very dear to me. And there's Alexx who has just finished her first year at SCPA and currently is taking it by storm. I cannot take credit for any of her success, yet I would if I could." I wonder how red I turned when he said that. Mainly because I knew about all the other more talented, worthy, cultured people in the world, not even world, the room we were in and he was deciding to say something about ME.
Then he went on to say something about Diamond, his best friend which was funny because it made someone from the back go "Are you sure this is the short version?"
"Yes because if it weren't there'd be a lot more on him," he retorted. "But honestly thank you all for coming. I am almost certain that at some point I've drawn inspiration from every single one of you." Geez Lucas. This was another one of those 'Why are you friends with me?' moments I seem to be having a lot of in our relationship. My graduation speech, if I ever give one will most likely be along the lines of 'You guys all rock. Thanks for coming. Let's eat.' That's when he smiled. Keep in mind there are a ton of old hippies in this room. "And I hope that in the next couple years you will all turn out to vote for the new Republican governor of Ohio." Everyone laughed and a few people jokingly booed. I smiled and laughed, but one thought did occur to me.
I wore Obama pins in my school picture and an artsy The New Hope poster of the president is currently dominating my bedroom door. And Lucas had my vote.
Since I'd eaten McDonald's beforehand, I wasn't in too big of a hurry to stuff my face again, even though everything smelled amazing. So without realizing it, I found myself in a conversation with Diamond who was hanging around the same side of the kitchen I was.
He's a great person to have a conversation with. And I really like Diamond in general. He asked about how I felt about my first year, how long it took me to establish my group of friends, and how long it took him to. I told him about New York, answered his questions about my friends, and apparently informed him of my Math teacher's existence. That's when he said the one simple thing that made my adrenaline rush.
"Oh I saw your blog." Oh. Really now? Okay, that's cool. It's not like I have anything incriminating on here right?
"You're one of the few people in the world," I joked.
"Yes, we read your one on Class Day." Except for THAT! My heart shot past my throat to the point where it was in my skull.
For those of you who weren't currently following me or were just too lazy to get a chance to read the Class Day post, that's the one were I proclaimed to the Internet community just how incredible, intelligent, and sweet I think Lucas really is. It was completely true, cheesy maybe, but from the heart. And nowhere near as artfully worded as some of things Lucas has sent me through text.
I kid you not.
"How...how'd you find it?" I said playing cool and ignoring the fact that my mind was shooting around my brain for any memory of the Class Day post I could possibly have. I remembered calling him the coolest person in the universe. And that I wrote about writing down the compliment he gave me after doing a crazy, stupid happy High School Musical jump in the air between the band hallways.
Oh God. The person I look up to most in the world would only read the one post where I reference High School Musical.
"I googled Lucas's name," Diamond explained.
"Oh I've done that." Please don't think I'm a creeper, please don't think I'm a creeper, please don't think I'm a creeper...
"It's fun. You know if you just have a few spare minutes." Don't think I'm creepy, don't think I'm creepy, don't think I'm creepy... "And I tell you it must've been fate because yours came out about the fourth one down." I googled Lucas once. My blog never came up. "And yes, I read it out loud to Lucas and then he read it." Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. My mind was racing and cursing myself for being so stupid as to broadcast my feelings on the Internet. Oh God, he thinks I'm weird. Lucas had to think I was a weird and Diamond too of course. Wow, how could I be so stupid as to put that on the Internet? Did I just assume both of these people had possessed no Wifi connection? They have Facebooks for God's sake! Oh wow. I was the random kid Lucas invited...but then Diamond spoke.
"It was very sweet. Very sweet." My emotions took a 180 degree turn in an incredibly fast way I'm convinced only teenage girls can pull off so artfully. Oh my God. He thought it was sweet! Aww! I wrote something Diamond and apparently Lucas thought was sweet! Wait, but what did I say now?
"Yeah, I've always wanted to tell him how important he is to me, but obviously," I said motioning to the spot where Lucas had just given his speech. "I can't speak nearly as well as he can." That's when Diamond made my day. Or at least contributed to the many factors that made my day.
"Oh he raves about you."
I melted into my body and smiled sincerely and big. Lucas. Raved. About me.
Jealous yet?:) Yes you are. You just may not realize how much you should be. ;D
After that the rest of the afternoon went so well. I met one of Lucas's Celtic music friends named Robert and we had about a forty-five minute conversation covering everything from didgeridoos (which he makes) to card tricks and French Canadian bands to how he deduced someone's slide of hand. Afterwards we all went into Lucas's room.
That was my favorite part. Lucas's room shouldn't belong to a kid that just graduated high school, especially a boy. First off, it was painted calming green, with a clear Gothic window over his perfectly made bed and a triangular and circular window in his ceiling. But that wasn't the best part. His CDs and books pissed me off. Everything on the CD racks and bookshelves didn't belong in the room of a human teenage boy. They belonged in the study of a high class lawyer. The artists on the CD rack were either classical or Irish composers, the most normal one being the CD of one of SCPA's choir concerts. Even his bathroom made me angry. I stumbled into it looking for a trash can.
He should not have this bathroom. Because he is a boy and does not NEED this bathroom!
It looks like it's out of a Victorian mansion. It's tiled all prettily and has a completely separate shower and bath area that looks like it came out of a classy twenties movie...wow, I just described his bathroom. I'm definitely not weird.
Anyway, getting off the stalkerish fact that I remember his bathroom, I decided to snoop through his bookcase to attempt to find something to start a conversation about. Maybe I read something he had. Or knew something about one of the writers.
Nothing. There was nothing I could comment on. Everything on his bookshelves were so above me. Philosophy books and scripts and thick books on historical things. The closest I came was to one thing. Candide by Voltaire. I knew something about Voltaire. I pointed to it and said without thinking "I'm researching Voltaire for my summer project!"
Lie. But I guess I was now. After all I did need to chose a writer...
"Yes, he's not typically held up as a brilliant philosopher," Lucas said taking the book off the shelf. Or maybe I took it off the shelf... "He was the one who while everyone else was saying 'Well let's rebel against monarchy, and set up republics, and join organized religion!' he stood back and said, 'The best you can hope for is a good monarch. Because republics never work. Except for the American one of course' Which in recent years has proved to have been screwed." Wow. The extent of my knowledge on Voltaire was that he was against the Church because he was excommunicated for desecrating a shrine. When in reality, he broke a baptismal font because a child's head was stuck in it and the poor kid was drowning. Hm...I wonder if I could site Lucas as a source in my bibliography...
"Actually, why don't you borrow that?" he suggested. "It's one of his best works, plus it will give me an excuse to arrange something for me to see you again." I smiled big and nodded. And floated out of the room. And he meant it. Because when I said goodbye, he asked me and my mom if we wanted to go to the opera this summer.
That's right. A guy invited me to go to the frigging OPERA. Wishing he was your friend now? You are aren't you? :) I know at this point I was wondering how he was mine. That party was so much fun. Everyone there just seemed like...the people I wanna be when I grow up. I can't believe he invited me. I feel so awesome. I just have no idea why he thinks I'm cool enough to be his friend.
Well, I should probably go now. I need to google Lucas's name now and make sure this doesn't come up.


  1. Hi pretty lady:) thank you for the comment on my blog:)I am bit scaref of using bronzer or fake tan to the beach as I think it will stop me from getting natural tan and will make the tanning pocess slower? Can you please help me on this one:)
    I'm liking you blog a lot:) xxx

  2. love your blog, you're my kind of girl, we have a lot of the same interests. i've often thought about becoming an actor, if i ever do finally leave the house ;)


  3. It's been far too long since I've checked up on your latest posts! My gosh, I do this too - savour every detail of experiences and record them later so I can remember every nuance of it forever! Sounds like you had a great time though. And I agree with you about the hating-boys-at-the-moment thing. In a vaguely similar situation; to summarise, having never done anything of the kind before, on the night of my birthday I somehow ended up in bed with a really good friend at university - who has a girlfriend. I felt terrible and just decided to act as if nothing had happened. Now it's summer and we're other sides of the country, I'm thinking about him far too much! Sorry for the unloading - thought it might be... not exactly uplifting, but at least lets you know you're really not the only one in this boy-created bind. *Sigh!* Much love and sparkles xxx